Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I love you.
Bad choice
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