she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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