Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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