Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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