my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
