The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
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