Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
