You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
