Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
