I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
