The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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