You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Randomize
