A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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