can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
