I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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