i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
