Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
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She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
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You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
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