I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Randomize
