Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
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you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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