I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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