the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
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