Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
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