Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize