if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize