tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
