I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Randomize
