So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
