Little spoons don't ask big questions
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
