I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
