"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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