hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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