In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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