Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Randomize
