We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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