This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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