saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
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