the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
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