I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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