I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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