I faked an abortion last night.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
