Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
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the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
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There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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