she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Randomize
