She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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