We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize