$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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