in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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