did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
