I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
