The maid of honor just puked.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
