I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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