Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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