i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
