He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Randomize
