Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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