but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Randomize
