That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
