so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I would ride that face into the sunset
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
