just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
