he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
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