This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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